He Who I'll Never Have (I)

Who is this?
I haven’t seen you for a long time.
I missed you and didn’t know it;
Perhaps it’s seeing you in your
Entirety, or perhaps its seeing you
For the first time.
Yes, I think that’s it;
I have never seen you like this,
With these eyes,
The eyes of a woman,
And not a little girl,
Or even a young teenage vixen.
I remember you,
Those pants, black
Tight in their jeans
Globes of male and thick cock
I wish I could make up for lost time
That I even forgot I had
But I forgot to make a list of those things
That I most want to do, possess, and go to,
And it would have included you, my dear.
I can’t look you in the face
I blush like a young girl that I am
An average prostitute innocence
A delighted young girl who loves to fuck.

You excite me
As I excite myself
And I continue to live in delusion.