Ode to Mr. Barcia, Jr.

Among the men I've met during my travels of late
You were a walking paradox, perhaps destined by fate;
What fate that could be I could not fathom
For dialogue with you was an uncrossable chasm;
The paradox being that someone so free in bed,
Could actually be so uptight in his head;
However, before I go off, I would like to take this moment to say,
That despite being a schmuck, you were a FABulous lay.

Talking with you was perhaps as delightful a chore
As being strung upside down - yes, Sherlock, you were a bore;
Perhaps being brought up a Guido in an armpit borough of New York City
Made you feel the need to try so hard to sound brilliant and witty;
But I'm here to tell you your attempts at intellect and wit
Only made you seem even more of an arrogant shit.

Just because one reads the news and has a teaching degree
Does not make him superior in life's knowledge to me.
Quoting facts, names, and dates like an oral exam
Is not impressive if you don't take time to know who I am.
Christ, just trying to have a conversation with you,
I felt like I was on a fucking job interview.

I wish you well and hope that you find
Someone from Mensa who can treat you in kind;
But the irony is that anyone can talk circles around you,
So a truly smart woman will only want you to screw;
I mean, c'mon, kid - how does a self-proclaimed musician, a DRUMMER whiz,
Not have a damn clue who Art Blakey is?
I mean if we're going to have an intellectual/cultural pissing contest,
Despite all your facts and dates, I'd still be the best.

You've traveled to Greece
I've traveled to Hell
You ate an olive
I rang the Bells
So don't even try to act Joe Cool with me
Because I earned a much higher life's degree.