A Month..

...since I've written on here. Why? I don't know. Just when I started to let fly with a zest for writing that I hadn't had since my last fiction class, I lost the ability to write anything that I would call substance.
My heart isn't in anything lately. Granted, I had surgery a couple of weeks ago, and so it put this whole past month in a whirl; that had more to do with it than anything. But, as a whole, I feel like a walking...the word corpse comes to mind, but I don't mean it like that. I suppose shell would be a better term, an empty shell devoid of any thought or action of substance.

I'm sad. I'm angry. I'm fearful. I see aspects about myself that I want to change, that I desperately need to change, that I don't quite know how to change...but I know that if I don't, I will be painfully unhappy.

And there was one who did not heed
What was said by the winds that were God
Through the tempest of the mind that He made
For the way was given, the path cut;
One that was lost, forever, in search
Of the true peace that all men seek:
To know that the effort was made,
Regardless of failure or victory.
— Anonymous

I am afraid of everything; so afraid that I can't seem to make a move. When did this happen?